thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
All I want is dick and wine.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
