I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
