I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Porn is love you can see.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
