i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
