My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where are you?
Hypothermia
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize