I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
