I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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