If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
