i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
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