I'm drive I can fine osifer
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
