Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
