So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize