How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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