Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
