Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
