I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
