I cannot find my penis.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
