I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
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