meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
