Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
