just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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