My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
