just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
