K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
