Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
