My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
