I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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