I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
he thought i was a dude.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
