you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
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