i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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