i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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