I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
