OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
