Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
it hurts more in the daytime
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
