Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Randomize
