Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
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