I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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