So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
