my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
