Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
