Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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