two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
