The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
