How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
