you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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