The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
