my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Reggie can tackle my bush.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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