"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
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