I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
