I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
