I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
