No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
