Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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