First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
