It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like the curious george of whores
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Randomize