you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
