We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
