I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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