i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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