My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
foreskin is a definite game changer
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
