i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
