how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
