Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
