SEEEEXXX PLEASE
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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