Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
