I skipped work to stalk him.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
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Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
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It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
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